Friday afternoon...

We just returned from the oncology visit and here is the gist of what he said. He is the eternal optimist and wouldn’t say for sure that the cancer had returned until my CA125 was around 40 or if he found tumor evidence on a CT scan or PET scan. I will have both of the scans next Friday, followed by another CA125. He feels I am definitely heading in that direction but how fast it comes back and grows is anybody’s guess. As soon as he has definite proof, I will immediately start chemo. Since the last chemo lasted more than six months, this is interpreted as a good sign, as it means the tumors responded. The next round predictably, will last about 20 percent less time (perhaps less than a year) and then the subsequent round 20 percent less etc. until I am on chemo every week. There are four or five other drugs to try if this cocktail quits working, however, they have been found to be less effective. Our moods fluctuate throughout the day but generally we are doing ok. We do appreciate all of the kind emails/calls/etc.

My sweet friend, Kate, loaned me a book by Bernie Siegel, M.D. about cancer. This passage grabbed me:

“An awareness of one’s mortality can lead you to wake up and live an authentic, meaningful life.”

So that’s my goal, to see things differently, more clearly and appreciate everything and everyone I have been blessed to have in my life.

I love you all,
Big Giant Nysh

Two-Headed Monster

I don’t really know how many heads it has, but it appears that my cancer monster is rearing it’s ugly head again. My CA125 (tumor marker) has been gradually increasing and as of yesterday, it doubled from 15 to 31. While this is still within "normal" range ,anything under 35, the docs are certain it is the cancer returning. I’ll meet with the oncologist on Friday to determine the next step: either waiting another month and rechecking it or starting back on the original chemo protocol as soon as possible. This will most likely be a long-term process necessitating chemo off and on indefinitely. I met with a social worker today so someone else (who is paid and captive) could listen to my whining, instead of Paul and all of you.

Will keep you posted as the next step is determined.

Love you all,
Nyshie